Forest Room: When Children Hit

Each year we find that parents wonder how we handle the problem of children hitting each other. It is not surprising that we occasionally see children hitting each other at school. This is normal behavior for young children since their first impulse is to use their hands: it takes children longer to come up with the words they need so sometimes they resort to physically expressing their emotions.

signing "stop"

Our policy is multi-layered. We always stop both parties, often with an arm around each child, and help them talk through what has happened. We give them the words they can use to talk to each other; we remind them that we cannot allow them to hurt each other. If we are unsure what one child wanted from the other one, we will try to make educated guesses to help them put their thoughts into words. (For example, "Are you trying to tell _____ that you want to play with him/her?") We also teach the children the sign for "stop" and remind them they can use that sign to stop other children from doing something they find unacceptable. The combination of the spoken word "stop" and the signed word feels very powerful to children.

As you know, in the heat of the moment impulse control and the ability to imagine what others might be thinking or feeling (called "theory of mind") can go out the window. Then it is our job to step in and help the children slow down their thought processes and express themselves verbally. If one child is crying, we invite the child who hit to check in and to see if there is anything the crying child needs. Often compassion is exhibited very quickly when one child gently wipes the tears of the other one.

Learning to be in community with each other is a lifelong practice session! Each day the children become more adept at working out problems in positive ways, and their identity as "the Forest Room" becomes stronger. It is a charming group we have and we genuinely believe they all care for each other.