Rethinking Parent Dialogues

Parents shared adjectives
that describe their child

At Sabot we believe parent dialogues are an important part of who we are as a school. We’ve seen how these dialogues build community through mutual understandings, shared experiences, and how they can create a format for support. In the planning of our recent Garden Room parent dialogue we asked parents to RSVP to the preplanned date that was set on the calendar. When we discovered that only a few parents could attend, we began rethinking the entire evening. We shared our feelings around the importance of these dialogues with the parents and asked them to help us find a time that would work for the majority of the group.

While we knew it would be impossible to find a time that works for everyone, collaborting with the parents on a date and time allowed almost all of the families to participate. Not only were most of the families able to attend, but two mothers took it upon themselves to organize child care for those families that needed it. We moved the start time of the dialogue to an earlier time to accommodate those families taking part in the child care. This meant that many parents were coming straight from work. We then threw out the idea of having some food to sustain us through the meeting. The parents quickly signed up to bring in food and drinks to share with one another. With these small changes, the evening became much more of a collaborative time during which we were able to come together to think about the image of the child.

We really appreciated how thoughtful the parents were in thinking about children. They shared their awareness of the potential of children and the need to nurture and protect this potential. There was a group understanding that the very traits children have that we as parents and teachers can struggle with- persistance, passion, high energy- are the same traits that we need to keep safe from the mechanisms of society.

We know that nothing is harder than being a parent. Particularly in today’s fast-paced society where it is hard to find time to simply be with our children, let alone join in their quest for knowledge and their desire to explore the world. During the dialogue parents wondered how to keep the phrase, “We don’t have time for that!” out of their daily vocabulary. After all, dinner needs to get made, laundry needs to get done, and work emails need to be answered. Plus, when can parents find time for themselves?

"For me it's a looking for growth through times of shared reflection, 
through opportunities for exchange, 
comparing points of view, taking our reflections further, 
so that I am closer to my child as a parent, 
so that we grow together as a people." 
The Hundred Language of Children

The parents offered one another some good advice around these questions. One mother shared her insight that it is easier to be fully attentive and present with her child when they leave the house. Then the "to do" list is not on her mind and she can focus on simply enjoying time with her daughter. Another parent shared that their family puts their cell phones away from 4-7pm. It's built right into their cell phone’s calendar, which rings to remind them, should they forget. This same mother brought up the importance of knowing your child’s tempermant. She explained that she needs to prepare herself by drinking tea or closing her eyes and doing deep breathing, before picking up her children from school. This mentally prepares her to be the calm and collected so that her children are free to melt down should they feel the need. Other children might need quiet time after school, while others might need to process their day through conversation.

Another family I know reclaimed Sundays by deciding that they would decline all invitations - to birthday parties, school events, etc. - and stay home as a family. Other families I know make Friday night their weekly game or movie night and some make Saturday mornings about being together around a special breakfast. The point is that in today’s society, we need to reclaim time with our children. Time where we are completely focused on on being together and listening to one another.

Children were eager to hear their parents' adjectives

Our evening dialogue about the image of the child also left us thinking about the image of the parent. We feel particularly fortunate to be in a community in which the parents collaborate with the teachers on such a deep and meaningful level. We’ve learned from this experience that we’d like to collaborate with parents on the organization and topic for our next parent dialgoue.